After last night, I could never be a politician.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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