i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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