Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
