Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
