my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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