How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
