tell your sister to shave her snatch
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
