he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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