Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
