While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
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