so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
