My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
