nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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