dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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