he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
