You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
