Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
