Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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