my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
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just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
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There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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