before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
