I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
