She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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