Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
