put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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