I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
