I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You're like the curious george of whores
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
