I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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