i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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