That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
