Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
