My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And then the night went full on bisexual.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
