dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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