I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
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