nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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