Do you still have your period?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
