Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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