I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize