I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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