"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
No I am not eating basil off your cock
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
