Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
