you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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