I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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