Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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