i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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