And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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