Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Send help, water and tortillas.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
