return my video game
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
