i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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