so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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