1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
