his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
