Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
