The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But theres a keg here and me gusta
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
