Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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