Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
