Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
