i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize