just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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