Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
