The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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