my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
