Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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