very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
