1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
