btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
