he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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