i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
