My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
