Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
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He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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