shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize