Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just cropdusted the office
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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